Condom

From Encyclopedia Of Stupid

Condoms are stupid.

You know how sometimes, when you are sitting in the park with your snot-nosed bastard child, you sit and think, "Why the fuck did this happen to me?"? Well, you would have had a 95% chance of averting such an unenviable situation if you had used a balloon called a condom.

A condom is a little balloon, with a hollow pimple at the end, which catches jizz. Sounds convenient, right? I mean, no more towels, no more mess? If you agree with this, however, you are far from right.

Condoms destroy lives

Condoms are a leading cause of destroyed sex lives. This is directly proportional to the amount of difficulty the average Cro-Magnon has with rolling a rubber tube on his pecker. Usually, the average hardon lasts a fraction of the time it takes to lubricate, roll on a condom, fit it snugly, and insert into cornhole. So why would one use a method of contraception that is more expensive than abstinence, and works by the same principles of avoiding any sexual intercourse whatsoever?

Also, condoms do not prevent STDs, they encourage them- because hey, who doesn't like a challenge? STDs are exceptionally persistent, and will overcome any adversity so that it may infect the individual with death on a stick. Condoms just provoke infections, and in fact should be totally avoided at all costs.