Company

From Encyclopedia Of Stupid

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Companies are stupid.

A company is a body corporate with perpetual seal capable of bribing and being bribed, and with the authority to do anything to make its owners rich, even if such actions destroy the livelihood of others. The level of the authority that a company has is computed by <math>A = S^{\sum_{i=1}^n C_i}</math>, where S is the number of shares in the company held by members of Congress or Parliament, n is the number of members of Congress or Parliament, and <math>C_i</math> is the annual contribution by the company to the campaign funds of the ith member of Congress or Parliament.

Companies with high A values are extremely powerful, and can make arbitrary amendments to the constitution of the country, or decide which political party will rule in the next election.

The after-tax profit of a company is computed by <math>P = (R - E) * (1 - T) + I - B - S</math>, where P is the after-tax profit, R is the revenue from legitimate operations, E is the legitimate expenditure, I is the income from illegitimate operations, B is the amount of bribes paid to politicians, law enforcement, and other people of influence, and S is the amount of money stolen by the chief executive. Because companies don't like paying tax, they generally try to move as much of their income into the I term, while still ensuring that the R term is large enough to explain why the chief executive and his/her forty partners all have a giant diamond on their finger.

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