Cocaine

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Fun fact: Coca Cola was named after one of its principal ingredients: cocaine!
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Fun fact: Coca Cola was named after one of its principal ingredients: cocaine!

Cocaine is stupid.

Cocaine - sometimes called simply "coke" - is an illegal drug most frequently snorted up one's nose in powder form, although it is also smoked in rock form ("crack") by a particular breed of whore ("crack whores"). Crack whores generally have very reasonable rates due to the fact that the side effects of prolonged crack use include dramatic weight loss, rotting teeth and a general disregard for anything but using crack (eg: hygeine). They will suck your dick for a nominal negotiable fee. This can be a real deal and also help you avoid uncomfortably close physical contact with them.

Rick James repeatedly and loudly voiced his love for cocaine, which should be enough information to put you off it forever, but just in case that fails, here are some of the other negative side-effects of using cocaine:

  • Changes in blood pressure
  • Heart rates
  • Breathing rates
  • Nausea
  • Vomiting
  • Anxiety
  • Convulsions
  • Insomnia
  • Loss of appetite leading to malnutrition and weight loss
  • Cold sweats
  • Swelling and bleeding of mucous membranes
  • Restlessness and anxiety
  • Damage to nasal cavities
  • Damage to lungs
  • Possible heart attacks, strokes, or convulsions
Click for a closer look. No fear, baby.
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Click for a closer look. No fear, baby.

Cocaine can also turn you into Amy Winehouse, which I'm certain you will agree, would be a monumental disaster for you. I mean, unless stumbling around on your bruised up sticklike legs until you die fifty or so years before you're supposed to is your idea of a good time, in which case, go for it!

See Also

  • Diet Coke - which has nothing to do with cocaine
  • Sex - which is fun on coke for as long as you can maintain an erection (hint: you can't)
  • Cola Wars - because we worked really hard on that article, we really did
  • Alcohol - a legal alternative to cocaine
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