Clown
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Clowns are stupid
The word "clown" derives its origin from the Latin term clownus, which translates roughly to "get the fuck away from me, freakshow." Clowns can be identified by their colorful faces, the odor of hard liquor, and a conspicuous erection.
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Origins
The various Clownish tribes began forming sometime before 1975 in the yet untamed wilderness of eastern Europe. Many of the Clown-folk had been banished from civilization after contracting any number of incurable diseases that were circulating among the population, including the Black Plague and the less popular Slightly-Off-White-Plague. The diseased exiles congregated and vowed to treat one another as equals and live together in a state of constant manic happiness. Face paints were created from natural elements such as leaf extracts and goat semen to hide any disfiguring effects of their respective illnesses.
The Great Clownish Genocide
Despite the high mortality rate among the Clownish tribesmen, their numbers grew with startling speed. Farm workers often found their livestock dressed in women's clothing, Huzzah Cushions on their milking stools, and rakes strategically placed in locations where they were likely to be stepped on, whereupon they would rise up and strike the victim in the face. These Clownish pranks were largely ignored by the aristocrats, who secluded themselves in their mammoth homes and had little concern about the complaints of laypeople.
During a fox hunting trip, King Phillip of Neckbeardia was struck in the face by a banana cream pie with such force that he was launched from his mount. Phillip's private guard seized a Clownish youth as he attempted to flee. The boy, named Heydoug Honkhonk, was condemned by King Phillip to die by hanging immediately.
Honkhonk was hung before a crowd of spectators in Warcraftia village. His final documented words were as follows:
"What did yon rope sayeth to the neck? OH SNAPETH!"
He also requested that a slide-whistle accompany his plunge from the gallows, as per Clownish custom.
King Phillip waged a war against the Clownish tribes, who were ill-equipped to handle the wrath of the Royal Army. Their seltzer bottles did little to the chain mail armor, except make it all sticky and attract flies. Gross. Originally, those who were captured in battle were tarred and feathered. This practice was discontinued when the Clownish folk actually enjoyed the treatment, delighting the public with a "Chicken Dance" before dying of septic shock from their third degree burns. Following the Clownish Genocide, the tribe was never again a significant force in Europe.
Modern Clowns
Sometime significantly closer to 1975, the Clownish tradition was carried on by devotees who made the dubious claim of being descended from Clownish blood. At first, these people were content to harass Renaissance festivals. Soon Clown extremist groups emerged. The most prominent of which was the Kooky Klown Klan, a Clown Supremacist group that painted themselves in Clownish warpaint and terrorized the countryside, burning large wooden letter C's on the lawns of non-Clownish families.
During the prohibition era, the Meringue Mafia piled into tiny cars and raided speakeasies with exploding pastries and comically large pistols that fired big red boxing gloves.
Since that time, many different categories of clowning have flourished.
Killer Clowns
- John Wayne Gacy
- Killer Clowns from Outer Space
- It (Pennywise the Dancing Clown)
Creepy Clowns
- Bozo
- Mimes (A special sect of Clownery that embraces depression and art-faggotry)
- That one fat guy that lives down the street that shows up at children's parties sometimes and you just can't help but get this vibe from him but maybe you're just imagining things.
Rock and Roll Clowns
- Dr.Rokso
