Carbon
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Carbon is stupid.
Carbon is probably the gayest element on the Period Table. Women, Retards, George W. Bush, and Alcohol are all made out of carbon.
Carbon is special because it can form 4 incredibly strong bonds with other elements. In A Short History of Nearly Everything, Bill Bryson describes carbon as “Shamelessly Promiscuous.” Indeed, if it weren’t for carbon, whores would not exist.
Carbon is the only reason human beings are on this planet. If it weren’t for carbon, the apple that Adam would have eaten wouldn’t have existed. So he wouldn’t have eaten it.
Carbon is essential for life mainly because it can form long chains with itself. Basically, its like a giant element orgy. Carbon is the reason why most of the world sucks.
Contents |
A Few Things That Carbon Makes Possible
Blueballs
If you’ve ever had blue balls, that means you’re a guy. Blue balls is the excruciatingly painful syndrome when a woman teases a man to the point of prolonged erection without ejaculation. It has been proven that semen and blood, which are the main causes of blue balls, are made of carbon.
Here is a picture of an Amino Acid, which is the building block of protein. As any self-respecting whore will tell you, semen is chock full of protein. Thus, carbon is the main cause of Blue balls.
Texans
The normal human body is constructed of 18% of carbon. Because Texans are missing a few chromosomes, their total comes to about 17%. However, due to carbon (or lack thereof in the case of Texans) stupidity and incest does indeed exist.
Shit
Shit happens. Unfortunately, the only reason shit happens is because of carbon.
Carbon Dating
Carbon Dating is a new type of dating that was invented in the late 19th century. It’s basically another type of blind date, but this type of dating actually includes scientists, which found they could not get a date anyways.
African American Superheros
One of Carbon’s many forms are diamonds. Referred to by African American people by either “ice” or “Bling-Bling,” it is a staple of the African American diet.
As anyone who has seen MTV or VH1 can tell you, rich black people require diamonds to sustain their superhero powers, almost the exact opposite of the relationship of Superman to kryptonite.
Diamonds take many forms such as on rings, watches, bracelets, anklets, necklaces, and even teeth, or “teef” as it’s more commonly called. The picture to the right shows an African American with “ice” “teef,” so you best to “reck-a-nize.”
Carbon-14 Dating
Carbon-14 Dating is a way to figure out how old something is. Unfortunately, you probably didn’t want to know that “18 year old” you just fucked was actually 16 years old, and you’re probably going to jail. That phone at the police station is made out of plastic, which is made from carbon—don’t give carbon the pleasure of making your phone call. Fuck that noise.
Shitty Artwork
Some people like to draw with charcoal, which is a type of carbon. To the right is probably one of the shittiest drawings known to man, drawn in charcoal.
The National Debt
The United States dollar is made from 25% linen and 75% cotton (Not that anyone gives a shit) which are both made out of carbon. The United States debt is now 8 Trillion dollars, all thanks to Carbon. Thanks a lot, you fucker.
Organic Chemistry
Organic Chemistry is chemistry which is based on the element of carbon. Millions, sometimes billions, of students each year get low grades in Organic Chemistry classes in college, lose their scholarships and get kicked out of Universities only to live a life of crime out on the street, or turn to prostitution which is, for some reason, not included in my earlier statement of “a life of crime.”
