California
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
California is stupid.
If you have any doubt about how stupid people are in California, then consider reading the article below.
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Child On Trial For Throwing Rock During Balloon Fight
Boy Had To Get Stitches
POSTED: 8:59 am EDT August 3, 2005
FRESNO, Calif. -- An 11-year-old girl arrested on a deadly weapon charge for throwing a rock during a water balloon fight goes on trial Wednesday in Fresno.
Advocates for Maribel Cuevas said the charge in no way fits the crime. But the city's mayor and police chief said the charge is the proper one, considering the act's potentially fatal consequences.
The girl was arrested in April for throwing the rock at a neighborhood boy who had pelted her with a water balloon. The rock gashed the boy's forehead, and the girl spent five days in custody and a month under house arrest after police say she resisted arrest.
The case goes to trial Wednesday after attempts failed to get a plea bargain. The boy, who had to get his head stitched up after the incident, is expected to testify.
OMG NO WAY STITCHES??? REALLY???
This is, of course, indicative of the California mentality, which is, unfortunately, spreading to other states, most notably Arizona. Thanks a lot Californians! You've run your state into the fucking ground, now come on over here and do it to ours!
Politics
In 2003, the elitist and predominantely homosexual town of Laguna Beach, California hired a scientist to build a Stargate under specific conditions that it contain no less than 30% hobo feces, as that is a plentiful organic substance in beach cities of California.
The town paid the scientist in online casino credits for his work on this mysterious project. Immediately after completion of the Stargate, they killed the scientist for knowing too much and asked the entire crew from Country Bear Jamboree to travel through the Stargate, to a time where people cared about Laguna Beach (1984) and bring back the only person who could help California tax payers make more money to help sanction more hummer limousines to use as garbage removal trucks for the city sanitation workers. The scientists succeeded in their mission of both ripping country bears head off that of returning to our world with American kindergartens' #1 window cling-on champion of the roid, the Terminator.
When the Terminator woke up from his cryogenic travel sleep, he woke up in a rage and ran into a nearby bar, killing all the harley davidson bikers, where the current governer just so happened to be looking for some bush, and ended his life with one single punch through the heart with a broken pool stick covered in the ass paste and butt hair of the person's ass he previously killed moments earlier. Upon exiting the building, he was declared the new rightful King of Narnia, and has been allowed to pump us up every since, by competing internationally in the Kim Jung Il world wide televised coin operated dance game-a-thon hosted in his backyard every 4th of July.
Landscaping
Grass in California is purchased from organic food stores (and also eaten by hippies) with tax payers' money and planted in direct opposition to God's natural laws of nature, stating clearly that grass doesn't grow in desert wastelands. According to a state survey of what California residents are most worried about, 50% responded 'my grass dying', while the remaining 30% and 20% responded 'dying in my nursing home tonight' and 'no one will play a better joker in later batman movies than heath', respectively.
Population
The population of California consists of 80% of the total population of the world, or at least that's what MTV would have us believe considering it never leaves the beach.
Mexicans contribute roughly all of the population of Southern California, allowing for cheaper rent and someone to plant the organic grass food productn indigenous to California's state of mind.
Business
California businessmen are neither in business nor men, they are typically described in the news as "failing miserably" or "bankrupt", and typical business owners are under the age of 17,not quite earning them the right to their illegitimately self-proclaimed titles of "businessmen".
In California, the streets flood with honey- or just ocean water whenever God decides to swallow more blonde beach girls into the ocean.
Most big business income in California is based off of drug sales, FAFSA loans, and carmelizing the ass cracks of beach hobos so the tourists can 'taste' the experience.
Sports
Surfing is popular in California as is the sport of Emo. As is well known, Surfing is the act of standing on a board in the middle of a large body of water while trying to smoke so much marajana that the understanding of God's wrath will become oblivious to them, thus leaving them without judgement. Emo however is a different sport, apparently similar to marco polo, only instead of water it's mosh pits, and instead of saying marco polo, you scream a lot and when you find a boy you kiss him- ESPECIALLY if you're also a boy.
Resources
The U.S. Bible, circa 0+AD;
