Britney Spears
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Britney Spears is stupid.
Britney Spears is an American pop "star" of dubious musical talent who is famous for patronizing Starbucks, abusing her children and showing off her cooter as often as possible. Britney would win the award for Most Loathsome Human Being if not for the existence of her own mother, Lynne Spears, a self-aggrandizing whore who uses her white trash daughter as her own personal money factory.
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Biography
Musical Career
Born Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney was a spoiled child from the very beginning. Her rise to fame came as a member of the Mickey Mouse Club in 1984. It was here that she was groomed by Disney to take on the persona of a slutty Catholic schoolgirl, which she eventually used to great effect in her breakout video Oops, I Did It Again. Britney stretched her artistic wings with the release of her sophomore effort Genie in a Bottle and went from a Catholic slut to a high-flying prostitute in her video for This Shit is Bananas, a grinding beat-driven club smash that was eventually turned into the most popular Internet meme ever.
Personal Life
Fame went to her head like fat to Oprah's thighs as Britney (whose IQ is a mere three points higher than her shoe size) was unable to fathom that tweens and greasy pedophiles may not be the audience to foster a career for the ages.
Two albums, eight thousand Jack and Cokes and untold lines of cocaine later, she met Keven Federline, a white rapper from Las Vegas. He was 30, she was 16. Scandal erupted when Kevin impregnated young Britney, but with her mother's blessing the couple married and eventually had their first child, Jayden. Federline, himself not the sharpest tool in the box took a couple of years to realize that he had married the human equivalent of a doorstop and divorced Britney in 2006. Not, however, before he had knocked her up yet again with the couple's second son Preston. Shortly after the divorce Federline sued for custody of their children in order to earn a portion of Britney's reported $700,000 monthly income. Britney's mother sold the story of the divorce to Us for a cool million. Whore.
Relationship With the Media
Britney's relationship with the media has been a tumultuous one, filled with paparazzi, court-appointed chaperones and double mocha lattes. She is the daily fodder of Hollywood blogs that obsess over her fatness, stupidity, smoking, fatness, drinking, fatness, drug-taking, fatness, court-order ignoring, fatness and fatness. Boy howdy is Britney fucking fat. And stupid. She's a stupid fucking fat fathead. The only way Britney could be any stupider is if I didn't have abs of granite that I let supermodels touch all day but I do, so she can't be any stupider. My abs. Of granite. Supermodels. OMG bikini shot!!!! LOL.
The Kiss of Death
Notorious vampire Madonna attacked Britney during the taping of MTV's annual musical awards. Ostensibly "passing the torch" to the younger generation the kiss was instead a powerful spell that began Britney's long spiral into destruction and fatness. From her mountain lair in the Carribean, Madonna watched reruns of the kiss for days with a grave smirk on her face. "Try to steal my crown from me, will you fucking hick-ass trailer trash cunt? I'll show you muahahahaha." The next album released by Britney, 2007's Fuck Me Pumps bombed spectacularly as Madonna exacted her excruciating revenge.
Complete Mental Breakdown and Suicide
Britney lost her shit altogether in January 2008 and barricaded herself inside her mansion in Bel Air. After three hours during which Britney refused to release her children who she was holding hostage, the standoff ended in a hail of gunfire as Britney committed suicide by cop. At least, that's how everybody wished it would have ended. In reality, Britney was taken off in restraints and a fetching cocktail dress to be mentally evaluated by physicians. She is not expected to be released.
