Brazil
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Brazil is stupid
Brazil is a country located in South America. It's really big and is famous for many things, including having one of the new seven wonders, a barely educated president and for the stupidity of its population.
Contents |
History
Brazil was discovered sometime before 1975 by the country of Portugal, being previously populated by pagan indians, who used to hunt, eat roots and walk around naked. It has been a mess ever since. After killing half of the indians and then fucking the other half (generating some really ugly offspring), the Portuguese slowly deprived the country of everything it had that was worth any money: some trees, some animals (like macaws) and very little gold (while Spain was having the time of their lifes extracting a fucking huge amount gold from their own colonies). After that, Brazil declared itself independent, to which the Portuguese replied with: ok. Things didn't change much since then. Up to these days the country's still explored (but now by other countries, especially the USA) and some of its people still walk around naked.
Economics
Lately, Brazil has been able to keep a decent economic balance, by keeping importations low and exportations high. This is mainly because Brazil's main types of exports are whores, cachaça (a national drink composed of mostly pure alcohol, which can be found at really low prices in Brazil, but is exported at abusive costs) and soccer players.
Brazil's currency is the real (R$), which's barely actually worth anything.
Culture
Humm... yeah. Brazilian culture... I'm sure there's something, hang on. Oh, yes, I remember now. Brazilians do take pride on their carnival, which happens before Easter, so all catholics can get themselves all the sex with strangers they want before pretending to be sorry for Jesus dying. It envolves some weird stupid dancing, nudity, hitting on drums and drinking heavily.
The "Brazilian way"
One of the other things its people is proud of is the "Brazilian way" (what they call "jeitinho brasileiro"). It's a complex method of performing an action, usually impossible by any other means, while spending very little energy and effort, and fucking everything up in the most incompetent way in the process. Thousands of people die every day in Brazil because of the Brazilian way, the most recent disaster (to which the Brazilian way is to blame) being TAM's Flight 3054, which crashed in São Paulo in July of 2007, killing nearly 200 people. Way to go, people!
Relationship with other countries
Brazil claims to have a friendly relationship with other countries. While it is true politically, in reality all countries hate the presence of Brazilians in them. This is due to the fact that they do little effort in preventing this reaction: they're messy, they cut lines in Disneyland, they shoplift, they wave their green and yellow flags around everywhere they go while screaming "Brazil!", they refuse to learn a single line in the native language of the countries they visit, they embarass themselves and their own country wherever they go. Their greatest latest embarassment being that of the ex-miss Brasil Taiza Thomsen, whose parents contacted even the INTERPOL after she "disappeared" in England. Everyone assumed she'd been kidnappened, however, when she reappared, it was discovered she had been working this whole time as a stripper and was ashamed of telling her parents. See why I said Brazil exports whores?
Regarding online relationships, well... they're rare, mostly because Brazilians never bother to actually learn fluent, unbroken English. When it happens that a Brazilian develops an online relationship with someone from another country (who they call gringos), it's probably a 30-something unmarried woman looking for a rich foreign husband. When it comes to relationship websites, Brazilians usually take it over by rarely communicating with the gringos, preferring to speak their own language (which no other nation speaks, except for their colonizer and some small African countries), thus alienating everyone else, until they get sick and decide to leave that site for another. An useless effort, of course, as Brazilians will follow them and contaminate the other newer site as well. It happened to Orkut, Fotolog.net, Flickr and now it is happening with MySpace. But that's ok, because relationship websites are stupid anyways.
Christ the Redeemer
One of Brazil's monuments, the Christ the Redeemer, located in the "wonderful city" of Rio de Janeiro (as it is called by natives), has recently been elected as one of the seven new wonders of the world. Due to the fact Christ the Redeemer is really tiny when compared to the other competitors and that it won just because everybody in the country mindlessly voted on it, everybody else thought this result was bullshit. For caring, everybody else is also stupid, because it was a stupid poll anyways.
Violence
Brazil is seen by foreigners as a very violent country, with kidnaps, violent muggings and massacres happening daily. As a Brazilian, I'd like to state that things aren't all that horr-- OH MY GOD, SHOOT-OUT! AAAHH! AAAAAHHH!!!
