Book
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Books are stupid.
Books are an archaic form of media, dated some time before 1975. They were the end product of the development of language and writing, the Masterpiece, also known as the alpha release of the Internet which, incidentally, didn't run the internet. Just lots of words. In Tahoma font size 14, MS Word 97 format.
The first release of books, Books 0.1, was a failure as each and every copy had to be rewritten out by hand as devices such as the Floppy Disk, CD-R and Gutenberg Press had not been perfected by then. It was a good few years until h4X0rz leet enough to copy books using an automated process emerged, and even then it was a tiresome process.
But the advent of the big-ass print changed all of this, and turned the tiresome and cumbersome process of copying books into a sleek, quick process with better copy-protection and 50% less bubonic plague.
Contents |
Information repository
Books are well known for their information hoarding skills. One book can hunt, kill and skin 15 or so facts per hour. This unbeatable factfinding ability makes books invaluable to the scholar, the fireman, and the sexual offender. A book, once having skinned a fact, devours it and makes it a part of its essence, a part of its soul, and proudly displays its kill in the form of a sentence, paragraph or entire chapter. It all depends on the magnitude of the kill.
One can see the victims of a particular book by parting its covers and peering inside. Of course, just like people, some books are plainly batshit insane and come out as a bookfull of bullshit. That is where we got the Bible from.
Books as a coaster
Books are the epitome of coasters. Place a drink on a hardback and you can be dead sure that no liquid will spill on your all-important dining room table. The thickness of a book is vital - if it is too thin, it could potentially get soaked all the way through and get your antique wooden table or chair slightly damp, thus devaluing your possession. MAKE SURE you either use an epic fantasy or science fiction publication as these types of book are typically over 700 or 800 pages long, nearly negating this risk to your property.
Books as a garble of letters
Yes. Yes they are.
A typical book as a garble of letters
ajobdjfboinbhnbdfoinbfdhg iorjgoijgbndfubnoe stgiojadrbdnfbrdhgoierhbionjbdadfougoirjgnadf odfahobndnf 2 39r0iksdfbsejar09tyuj adf dvudjfvoijbn df bncvbsn mofdhjnmgmfksbbbbbbbbbbbbbboisb difng ovcmoiagabikdcnvboa jigo naf bndsfbv etc.
Books as a source of sauce
Books are a source of essential inks and verbage, and supply 23% of your Reccomended Daily Intake of paper. Also, if you squeeze a book enough they secrete a substance that is considered Book Sauce by dieticians and Kickapoo Indians. It is especially tasty on marinated cassette tapes and ratbait. Please eat in moderation, as otherwise you'll be dying for more.
Picture books
These are the best. Minimal wording and an abundance of prettyful, color filled pictures, so any average government-schooled schmuck can have in on the fun too. The storylines are very, very deep and complex and attack hard-hitting issues such as "Which game shall we play" and how the King's incompetence has led to the demise of Humpty Dumpty, and whether he should be charged with negligent homicide. However, there has been a recent fallout between people and books, and this can be directly linked to MTV, emo, and the increasing number of incestuous relationships. They call this the Dubya Effect, as people who succumb to this end up being retarded, politically challenged Presidents of the USA.
