Blowjob
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Blowjobs are stupid.
As anyone smart enough to believe in The One True God knows, the purpose of sex is procreation. This makes perfectly good sense given what a pro God is when it comes to creation. Admittedly, God's no slouch when it comes to destruction either, but what do you expect from the author of duality?
Given these facts irrefutable except in USENET, any kind of sex that doesn't result in a new life has to be stupid, if not immoral, base, deviant, perverted, or like anything else only your mother could love.
And leave it to the human animal to create a diversion from The Truth in order to do what it damned well pleases: you couldn't ask for a better example of a misnomer than the word 'blowjob'. Not only does the act in question involve no blowing, but it's not even a job - notwithstanding how it seems between married people because, well, what doesn't seem like a job between married people?
A blowjob is when a penis is orally stimulated to ejaculate. The semen may or may not be caught in the mouth, but the latter circumstance is generally considered way more exciting, especially should the load chance upon:
- the blower's back
<li>the blower's face
<li>the blower's significant other's property
<li>The Bible (preferably the King James translation)
</ul>
Contents
[edit]History
[edit]Origins
Eve administered Adam the first blowjob the night after giving birth to Abel1, saying she'd "had enough of this shit". Adam, in turn, declared shit "holy". Whether or not any of this was sinful was irrelevant because they'd both already died in the day they ate of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and dead is friggin' dead, already.
[edit]Practice Makes Perfect
If the U.S. Treasury only had a nickel for each time, then the United States could afford to plant weapons of mass destruction with - and thus have reason to kick the asses of - all enemies of the Jews.
[edit]Today
William Jefferson Clinton put it best when he explained to a mostly indifferent nation, "devil with the blue dress, blue dress, blue dress, devil with the blue dress on."
1The oft underrated relationship between Abel and his older brother Cain was finally elucidated to everyone's satisfaction just slightly after sometime before 1975.
