Blonde
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Blondes are stupid.
This sounds familiar. Everyone knows it, but no one actually knows why! Blondes are also sexy (another known fact) but that's irrelevant. It's quite possible for a human to be sexy and still be intelligent. The real reason why blondes are stupid is all in the skin complexion.
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Scientific Background
You see, there is a certain chemical substance in our skins the concentration of which defines the color of our skin. This substance has a much higher concentration in the skin tissues of black people than in white people. Incidentally, this substance is also directly responsible for functionality of some sections of the human brain, particularly those sections affecting shopping, spending, sex, and mathematics.
Therefore, based on this theory, it is quite obvious why blondes can't be smart, whereas a black dude is always smart! This is a well-known natural phenomenon scientifically known as racism.
Mythology & Urban Legends
Although it is scientifically impossible to actually see and touch an intelligent blonde lifeform, a farmer in Texas, Arizona has reportedly had a close encounter of the 3rd kind with one of those sometime before 1975. This same person also reported having seen traces of an alien spaceship leaving a circular trace on the ground in his farm in 1984. It is worth mentioning that this person is still alive, and he is currently hospitalized after being diagnosed with schizophrenia (Good lord it took me twenty minutes to figure out the spelling of that word!).
Jobs and Professions
A very common misconception about blondes is that they cannot do any job. That's entirely untrue, as there is a number of jobs that are best performed by blondes. Despite the fact that all these jobs are useless, they are still jobs.
Washing and Waxing Cars
For a mysterious reason, blondes are always caught on camera while washing or waxing vehicles or trucks. They are also usually dressed in very steamy clothes, which are all wet (we can't blame them for that now can we?) although they reportedly take much longer time than necessary.
Getting Laid
If that's ever considered a job anyway. A good reason why blondes are good at sex is because they don't know any better.
Starving
To keep in-shape, blondes do the funniest things, including drinking Diet Coke, and eating a chicken wing every three days.
Vomiting
Those who can't manage to keep a good diet, they just decide to get rid of the excess load in their own way. It doesn't matter what that does to them, as long as they will keep a sexy butt.
Other "Jobs"
Numerous other jobs are considered in the primary domain of blondes. These include boobjobs, blowjobs, and other types of jobs.
Gender Issue
Statistics have shown that there are only female blondes. However, some people affirm that they have seen some male ones. Those can generally be disregarded, since they are gay.
Specific Diseases
Several diseases are directly linked with blondes, although rarely diagnosed for non-blondies. These include but are not limited to the following:
- Anorexia
- Bulimia
- Driving badly
Other Facts
- Blondes are known for not being able to call 911 (mainly because they never find the number "11" on the keypad to dial).
- Blonde women's bodies do not contain any "brain cells", although this rule can be broken when she gets pregnant.
- Politicians expect that the next US presidential elections will be won by a blonde woman, since the white house has clearly lowered its requirement in terms for mental and intellectual abilities since 2000 AD.
