Barnes & Noble
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Barnes & Noble is stupid.
Barnes & Noble is a bookstore created during the depression. That legacy continues to this very day. Each Barnes & Noble employee is trained to make your experience there as depressing as possible.
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Don't Get the Barnes & Noble Membership
No matter how much you tell the same asshole everyday you do not want to get the damn discount card, he will still ask you "Do you have a Barnes & Noble discount card?" The employee has a difficult time understanding that if you don't get a Barnes & Noble discount card, then you obviously don't have one.
The slaes pitch will go exactly like this:
Asshole: Oh, well you can save 10% on virtually every book in the store!
Customer: OH? How much does it cost?
Asshole: $25 for a whole year.
If you spend $25 for the damn card and then buy a book for $10, you actually did not save any money. 10% off that book would be one whole dollar! But you spent $25 for the damn card, so you saved negative 240% today!
To offset the cost of getting the card you must spend $250 on books in ONE YEAR. This is just to come out even. If you spent $251 on books at Barnes & Noble with the discount card, you have saved 10 cents. But there is a revolutionary drug that works to correct this problem. It's called eBay. Find out if eBay is right for you.
It's sort of Starbucks, It sorta ain't.
Some stores have a full on replica of the place where middle-schoolers, gothic freaks, hollywood fags, and bitchy business women go to pay out their ass for a fucking cup of coffee. These people bring about negative externalities to others who are in their immediate area. When you put a coffee shop in Barnes & Noble, you get a mesh of loud, hyperactive, annoying tweakers destroying your reading experience with biblical proportions.
But it isn't always a Starbucks. Most of the time it's a "B&N Cafe". The 'e' in the word cafe has a ' thing on it, but I am too fucking lazy to open up character map. B&N Cafe is the child that Starbucks and The Cheesecake Factory had when they had sex behind the liquor store in a poor neighborhood. Technically, it is 'Starbucks' coffee, but you can't use your Starbucks gift card there. However, if you are willing to spend $25, you can use your Barnes & Noble membership to save 10% on your expensive coffee.
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!
You are always going to have assholes who bring children who are going to raise hell. They will scream their asses off. Even quiet kids eventually end up playing with those goddamn books where you press a button and barney sings a 40 minute song or many different versions of Christmas songs are played in shitty ass midi-like sound. In addition, you are going to have people who make/receive calls on their cell phones in a fucking bookstore. These people are inconsiderate but nature does have its checks and balances; they usually get suckered into dumping money on that damn membership card (which has automatic renewal).
Suggested alternative Barnes & Noble stores
- Anal Probes 'R' Us
- Uncle Bubba's Family Reunion Date Supply House and Bait Shop
- Radio Shack
