Asian
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Asians are stupid.
Asians have made valuable contributions to humanity including: used-panty vending machines, easily lost cell-phones, hentai, raw fish, and Jackie Tran.
Contents |
Background
The Asian species evolved sometime before 1975 when a man name Phil from Tokyo (at the time, a city full of Jews) ingested rice which had been contaminated with radium. This seemingly innocuous event has had devastating effects on humanity. Phil developed a bizarre mutation on chrmosome-12 resulting in stunted growth, tightening of the eyelids, and a severe speech impediment. Phil could no longer pronounce his name properly and so had to change it to Zhang. He died within several months, but not before reproducing many times.
Reproduction
Asians reproduce asexually. They all have identical DNA which explains the homogeneity amongst this population. Once a month the Asian will shed one of its toes (which inevitably grows back) in a process science refers to as budding. The toe is entirely autonomous but has not yet developed lungs, so it must remain in a rice-water slurry until it reaches maturity. The Asian reproductive cycle is easily kept secret from whitey because excess "toe-poles", when deep-fried, taste fucking great. They are served in most Asian restaurants as "chicken balls".
Because they are able to reproduce so rapidly, Asians quickly colonized the Eastern world depleting resources and rendering it useless to whitey. In 1984 this part of the world was appropriately renamed Asia
Asian genitals are entirely vestigial. Despite the fact that all Asians have the same DNA, some go on to develop a pseudo-vagina. This is due to a diet exceptionally rich in rice during the first few years of life. Everyone knows that eating rice turns you into a pussy. Sex with an Asian man is impossible, unless he is receiving anal sex. Sex with an Asian woman is entirely possible, but is considered borderline pedophilia/bestiality because technically they never reach sexual maturity and are of a different species.
Neurology
The Asian brain is significantly underdeveloped, most notably in the sensory perceptual areas. They often try to compensate for these deficiencies by becoming highly proficient in mathematics. A common misconception about Asians is that they are all good at Math. This is entirely false, as Asians are far too stupid to truly understand complex symbolic logic. They generally do well in school nonetheless because reproducing asexually frees up a lot of time to study. This also explains why they are able to solve complex differential equations quickly, but are unable to operate the turn signals on their Hondas.
Driving
Due to their underdeveloped brains and abnormally small eyes, Asians are by far the worst drivers in the world. Asian drivers can easily be spotted if one knows what to look for, although it is sometimes difficult to differentiate between them and drunk niggers, the only real difference being how close the police are. However, it should be noted that sober niggers are actually some of the best drivers in the world, especially when avoiding law enforcement agencies.
If encountered, they should be avoided at all costs. You are statistically more likely to survive a compound case of cancer, aids, and the flesh-eating disease than thirty seconds next to an Asian driver. Caution - if there is a plastic Buddah hanging on the seldom used rear viewed mirror and the driver is yammering in chinky talk into their cell phone, pull over to the shoulder of the road and let them pass. You will never know how close you were to death at that moment.
Asian "males" refuse to drive a vehicle with anything larger than a 4-cylinder engine. Doing so would be incongruent with the size of their genitals (all Asians have obsessive-compulsive disorder and cannot stand incongruency). Instead, they add large mufflers and wings to their Hondas, and then post pictures here where they argue over whose car sounds most like an insect on methamphetamine. A typical post:
civicnation212: yo man, ur civic is sweet. i am diegn to get a sweet spoiler like urs. nitrous35: UR CIVIC IS GAY!!!!111 IF U WNT TO C A REEL EXHAUST CHEK MY RIDE OUT runsonrice46: dude, ur instruments r sweet, whaer did u get teh barometer
